Happy Bottom Bum Butter
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Price: £4.99

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Happy Bottom Bum Butter, Chamois cream made in Dorset
  • Totally chemical free,100% natural ingredients.
  • Pain relief from clove oil - pretty clever eh?
  • Vegetable glycerine and Egyptian geranium oil absorbs to lower dermis, all the way in to really repair your damaged skin.
  • Antiseptic and anti-bacterial with tea tree oil to stop you growing diseases in your shorts.
  • PET recyclable containers (you can make fleece jackets out of them)
  • Tested in the most demanding conditions... in my shorts, on @rseholes and not on animals.
  • Vegan as hell.
  • Female friendly, it won't make your girly bits zing.
  • Does not repel sharks or polar bears.
  • Made in the UK

1 x 10ml pot
1x 100ml pot

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What is it?  Cycling cream, AKA chamois cream is used "downstairs" to prevent friction and infection. Its used by a hell of a lot of cyclists, but rarely talked about.

Why do I need it? Basically cycling is tough enough without having a sore arse. Who wants a sore arse? By protecting your skin down there from friction you will have a much more comfortable experience. What's more it allows you to cycle day in day out without discomfort. Our own "Bum Butter" also forms a barrier, so if you have already broken the skin, it not only keeps the nasty stuff out, it’s also antibacterial. And finally we add ingredients, natural ingredients I hasten to add, that provide an anaesthetic effect, slightly numbing any pain.

How is it applied? Load up a blob of the cream onto your finger and smear it between your buttocks, and behind your :"daddy batteries" (aka nuts, balls, etc). The motion of wriggling around on a bike will help it get to wherever it needs to get. Some folk prefer to apply it to the pad in their shorts, this also works.

What about ladies? Some creams are a bit zingy and meant for men only. So read the label. However our own product "Happy Bottom Bum Butter" is "fufu friendly" and compatible with ladies and their wonderful parts. In fact its used by several incredibly impressive female cyclists. Lee Cragie does ultra long rides and is a big fan. She is also our national Champion. Karen Darke used it on her armpits (and elsewhere) to get a Gold medal in Rio Olympics.

What does it feel like? Many creams feel like you have unloaded a load of cream into your pants... because you have. It's a weird feeling, and its way better than having your skin ground up. But here's a thing: Happy Bottom is a vegetable butter-like substance, it soaks into the skin, and feels much more normal.